our love was never easy

Ethan/Xuan - #29: Affaire de Coeur

2008-05-08T02:27:11Z

STUPID HOMEPAGE.

*

Your father calls in the morning. "Ethan, you have a little brother!"

"Yeah?" you say, crunching on your cereal. "Mom doesn't look pregnant to me."

"Don't be flippant," he snaps. "You know Serena was pregnant. I told you already."

"Sorry, I never remember stuff you tell me. It goes in one ear, out the other."

"You brat--"

Serena's voice cuts in, pleased and giggly. "Oh, Ethan. Don't be so grumpy. Don't you want to meet your brother? Just don't try and turn him gay, okay?" She laughs, and you grit your teeth.

"Not funny, Serena." You hang up without saying good-bye. Dumping the leftover milk down the sink, you scowl. God, your dad just had to marry the most annoying bimbo, ever. Every time she talks, your irritation bubbles over, like now. You're not in the mood for school anymore, either, so you wash the dishes, then head towards the park. Fuck school. Fuck your dad and his wife. Fuck it all.

*

Xuan finds you on the swings after school. "I thought you were sick," he says, sitting beside you.

"Sick of my dad, yeah."

"What happened?"

"Serena just had her baby."

"And that annoys you?"

"She joked about me turning him gay. Like that's possible. My dad wouldn't let me. He's got a new family now, a perfect one. He doesn't want me in it, ruining it."

Xuan sighs and swings back and forth silently. You stare at the ground, thinking the words you refuse to say aloud. You think your dad has never loved you, or not as much as he used to when you were little and happy. You think he's already exchanged you and your mom for Serena and her son, that you're that easily replaced. You think you shouldn't care, but you do, so you try to patch up the hurt with brambles and thorns so the world can't see how weak you are still. Then Xuan reaches between those thorns and touches the hurt. He says, "You're not replaceable, Ethan."

"What?"

"It's not easy to find someone like you. It's not so easy to get rid of you, either. I should know."

You smile at his words. "Yeah, I'm like a weed, huh? Always coming back no matter what."

"I'd never pull you out in the first place." He blushes and adds, "Wow, that was corny."

"It was," you agree. "But thanks anyway." You let his words touch that secret place in your heart, the place that still hurts so easily. They soothe the pain a little, so you say, "You're not so easy to get rid of, either."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really." You finally take his hand and hold it, feeling his warmth seep into your skin. "Besides," you say, "it's like I would want you gone in the first place."

Ethan/Xuan - #30: Aesthesiogen

2008-05-07T00:10:50Z

Gah, Ethan and Xuan... talk to me more! *shakes* How am I supposed to write you guys for SSBB if you don't? :(

Ethan: I talk a lot.
Me: Yes... just... not about the things I want you to! :|
Ethan: :P
Me: >__> No respect at all.

*

They are biking along a narrow trail when Xuan's bike hits a rut and jerks forward, dumping him into the dirt. "Shit!" he curses. Then he winces, because he's scraped his elbows and knees.

"Holy shit." Ethan stops his bike and gets off. He kneels beside Xuan, and despite the worry in his voice, he is smiling. "The great Xuan actually fell of his bike. That's a first."

"Shut up, asshole. You wouldn't be laughing if you fell off your bike."

"Of course I wouldn't. I'd be cussing the stupid thing out." Ethan grabs Xuan's arm and hauls him up, dusting the dirt off his clothes. "Are you okay? You're not injured, right? I don't think you're that delicate."

"Who says I'm delicate? I beat you every time we do anything remotely sporty."

"That's not true!"

"Yeah, it is. Remember back in high school, when we played badminton? And the time at Lynn's party when you challenged me to a swimming race? And how about--"

"Okay, okay, I get it! You're not delicate. You're as buff as Arnold Schwarzenegger. Wait, actually, that's kind of gross..."

"Quit saying stupid things," Xuan says, and limps back to his bicycle. He jerks it upright again and gets on. "Come on, let's keep going."

"Are you sure? You don't want to take a break?"

"Why would I want to take a break?"

"I don't know, because normal people enjoy relaxing for a little, especially after they do a face plant in the dirt?"

Xuan looks around them: they are standing on a narrow, dirt packed trail. To their right is a tangle of shrubs and stunted trees. To their right is a sloping cliff face. "And where exactly are we supposed to relax? In the middle of the road?"

"No," Ethan says, rolling his eyes, “because if we do crazy bicyclists might run us over."

"Are you still not over that?"

"I think I have permanent injuries from when you crashed into me. Seriously."

"God--"

"Anyway, there's a nice place a little further down. We passed it last time we were here. There's a creek, and a bench where we can sit. Do you want to go there?"

Xuan shrugs. "Okay, sure. Whatever you want."

They bike down the road a little further, and stop when Ethan points out the creek. Xuan rolls his eyes when Ethan takes off his shoes and dangles his feet in the water. "Come here!" Ethan calls, patting the empty spot next to him on the bench. "The water feels really nice."

"I'm not putting my feet in there," Xuan says, but Ethan wrestles his shoes off and forces his feet into the creek. Xuan yelps, because the cold water is a shock to his overheated skin. "Shit, Ethan! That's cold."

"Hence why it feels really nice. Come on, it's the middle of July, how else are we going to cool down?"

"Why don't we just go swimming?" Xuan asks sarcastically. But before he knows it, Ethan has stripped down to his boxers and has waded into the middle of the creek. It only comes up to his waist, and he whoops like a little boy before splashing back to the bench and grabbing Xuan's hand.

"Get in!"

"What the--no!"

"You were the one who suggested it."

"I was being sarcastic! I thought you got sarcasm!"

"Well, I'm being serious. Come on, Xuan, the water feels so nice and cool... don't you want to join me?" Ethan waggles his eyebrows.

"We're not even allowed to do that. It's not good for the water, or something, but the point is--"

"You're talking to me," Ethan says. "Since when do I not do things because they're not allowed?"

It's true, Xuan thinks. Ethan has always had an alarming disregard for rules, as well as for social niceties. Xuan, however, can't throw them away as easily. "I'm not getting in, not unless you make me."

He regrets his words immediately, because Ethan does exactly that: he yanks Xuan off the bench and into the water, then splashes him until his clothes are soaked. "Now that you're wet," he says mischievously, "would you like to sit on the bench drying off and get itchy, or would you like to join me in the water?"

"You did not just--Ethan!"

"That's me."

Xuan glares at him and crosses his arms. "I'm going to get really angry at you," he says flatly. Then he takes off his shirt, and his shorts; throwing them onto the bench to dry, he wades into the deeper waters. "But later, after my clothes are dry."

Ethan grins and runs his cold hands up Xuan's arms, giving the other goose bumps. "You won't remember to be angry later," he whispers, kissing Xuan on the lips.

Xuan shivers, both from the coldness of the water and Ethan's kiss. He closes his eyes as their lips linger together; when he opens them again, the sunlight reflected on the water blinds him. He blinks and murmurs, "I won't forget." But Ethan kisses him again, so he forgets about it for now and returns the kiss, gently.

SungTa - Polaris, ch.7

2008-05-04T04:41:06Z

I KNOW, AFTER FOREVER, RIGHT? I EXPECT COMMENTS ON THIS. :|

*

Jun-jin’s apartment has such an empty feel to it these days. Nobody calls him, except to ask for work. There are never any messages from Hye-sung waiting for him on the answering machine, so he can smile as he listens to the other man’s voice. That is why he spends most of the day at his office, working late into the night, trying to avoid coming home to nothing. He knows that keeping busy might be the only way to cope with Hye-sung’s absence, but he can’t help but check his phone or his e-mail every five minutes. He is hoping for Hye-sung to call him, to acknowledge his presence. But as the days go by, there is still no word from Hye-sung, and Jun-jin learns to not expect too much. If he does not have high hopes, then they cannot come crashing down. And if they are fulfilled, then, well—they have plenty of room to soar and fly.

His co-workers notice his distractedness. “What’s wrong?” Dong-wan asks him, sitting on his desk. “You’ve been really out of it these past few weeks. Did your boyfriend break up with you?”

Jun-jin winces. He remembers that he and Dong-wan went drinking once, and he blabbered drunkenly for hours about Hye-sung: about how beautiful he is, how talented, how his smile makes Jun-jin’s heart lurch and clench at the same time, because he’s so afraid that it will disappear. Dong-wan has not stopped teasing him about it since then, because the one thing that Jun-jin did not let slip was that Hye-sung was already taken. “Uh. I guess you could say he left me.”

“Oh, man. I’m sorry, Jun-jin.” Dong-wan pats his back. “Hey, do you want me to call him up? Teach him a lesson for leaving you?” He punches a fist into his palm, making what is supposed to be a tough, intimidating face, and Jun-jin laughs a little.

“No, no. I don’t need you to do that. Really, I was expecting it to happen any time.”

“Why? Don’t tell me that he was too good for you, Jin, because seriously, you are the hottest hunk in this entire office, and you’re rich, too. What else could a guy ask for?”

“I am not the hottest…hunk in this office, and I ‘m not rich either. Besides, Hye-sung doesn’t care about any of those things.”

“I was joking, man.” Dong-wan shakes his head. “But really—you’re a great guy. Anyone would jump at a chance to be with you, so why should this Hye-sung be any different?”

“Because he’s different,” Jun-jin says. “It—it’s too complicated to explain. Can we not talk about it? I’d rather not.”

“Okay, okay. How about this then? I’ll take you out drinking. Me, you, and maybe Min-woo.”

Jun-jin chuckles. “Is that supposed to solve all of my problems?”

“Not solve, maybe, but you can forget about it a while. You need to relax, Jun-jin. Come on; say yes, and I guarantee you won’t regret it.” Dong-wan winks.

“I’ll think about it,” Jun-jin says, and Dong-wan slaps him on the back: “Atta boy. You’re tough, you’ll get over this soon enough.”

Jun-jin shakes his head as Dong-wan walks away. He’s not tough, not when it comes to Hye-sung. When it comes to Hye-sung… He sighs and checks his email: no messages from the other man, not even a, “Hey, how are you?” When it comes to Hye-sung… When it comes to Hye-sung, Jun-jin is vulnerable and hopeful, like a neglected child waiting for someone to take his hand and say, “It’s all right: I love you. I’ll take care of you.” But of course, Hye-sung didn’t take care of him, never promised to do so; instead, he carefully avoided Jun-jin’s heart and his love, right up until the very end. And then he walked away and left it all behind, and left Jun-jin behind, too, left him to wait in the dark until someone takes his hand again.

*

Chil-hyun and Hye-sung's apartment has such an empty feel to it these days. It accents the sparse, masculine feel of the place. There are paintings hung on the wall, and a few vases to break the monotonous flatness of a table or counter; but there are no flowers, no charming, whimsical ornaments to distract from the aesthetic harmony of everything. Hye-sung decorated the entire apartment. He chose the paintings, the vases, the curtains, and the furniture. He decided where they were going to be placed. He asked Chil-hyun, several times, if he wanted to add his opinion about anything. But Chil-hyun just shook his head, smiled, and let Hye-sung do what he wanted.

Now that Hye-sung is gone, though, the apartment feels decidedly unbalanced. There used to be signs that two lived here, instead of one. Two coffee cups in the sink, waiting to be washed. Two dents in the pillow, before Hye-sung fluffed them out, annoyed with the disorder. Two sets of clothes in the closet, mixed between Hye-sung's casual jeans and T-shirts and Chil-hyun's business suits. Two of everything, before Hye-sung packed up and moved out.

There are still signs of Hye-sung lying around. His favorite coffee cup lies in the dish rack, and most of his clothes remain jammed in the closet. But Chil-hyun wakes up in a big, empty bed; and the ring that Hye-sung is supposed to be wearing nestles in its box, still, cold and solitary.

*

Dami tries to make Chil-hyun go to work every day. "I know you're the CEO, or the president, or something," she says, "but that means you have a responsibility. So get your ass over to the office!"

"Not today," Chil-hyun always says. "Maybe tomorrow."

He lets the work pile up, and instead sits with Dami in the apartment, or the cafe across the street. At first, they just drink coffee and glance at each other from time to time, unsure of what to say. Then Dami breaches the silence and asks Chil-hyun about his work.

"It's not really interesting. I work for a company that manages models. We run some fashion shows, too, which is why I was always leaving for business trips..." He trails off, wondering if Hye-sung was glad that he was gone so often.

Dami senses this, so she steers the conversation into safer topics, and eventually it gets easier and easier to talk to each other. Chil-hyun realizes that everything is easier when he thinks of Dami as a friend, and he even smiles a little, laughing.

The day after they start talking, he wakes up early and dresses in one of his business suits. He combs his hair, shaves the mustache that has been growing, and makes sure that his clothes are pressed and neat. When he looks at himself in the mirror, he avoids his eyes and tells himself that he looks professional. He looks efficient. He looks fine. On his way out of the apartment, he calls Dami. "Dami, I'm going to work today, so I'll see you in the afternoon."

Dami grumbles something about idiots calling at ungodly hours at the morning. Then, when she is done, she says, "Okay, I'll see you in the afternoon. And Hyun?"

"Yes?"

"Hang in there. You'll be okay."

*

There is plenty of paperwork waiting for Chil-hyun when he comes back. He wades through everything automatically, trying to fall back into the rhythm of a normal day. His secretary tells him that he’s missed a few meetings, but it’s nothing dramatic, he can make them up any time, and he throws himself into the entire business with as much enthusiasm as he did when he started out.

He thinks about Hye-sung sometimes. He remembers when Hye-sung used to visit him in his office, to surprise him with lunch or just to sit and talk. Chil-hyun would walk into his office and find Hye-sung sprawled out on the couch, most often sleeping. When did those visits stop, he wonders, and why didn’t he pay attention when they did?

Why did Hye-sung leave? Why, when Chil-hyun loves him? I didn’t know. How could he not know? How could he not realize that Chil-hyun loves him, loves him with the heart he mended and cared for? Chil-hyun wants to call Hye-sung and ask him that, but Hye-sung said, before he left, “Please don’t call me, Chil-hyun. I’ll be back when I’m ready.”

Chil-hyun doesn’t know what he will do when—if?—Hye-sung comes back. Hye-sung doesn’t know about the ring. Chil-hyun can return it, and nobody besides Dami will ever know how much he was about to ask of his lover, his best friend, the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Even now, even when he is angry at Hye-sung, he wants them to be together. In the middle of the day, in the middle of working, he finds himself thinking of summer nights in the garden, and winter nights inside their warmly lit house. He finds himself thinking about waking up to Hye-sung’s smile every morning, and falling asleep ever night with the scent of paint softened by soap and water.

He tries to remember his anger at Hye-sung, to remind himself that Hye-sung cheated on him. Hye-sung betrayed his trust. But holding on to anger is tiring, and soon his attention deviates from work, and his thoughts wander to the old days, when everything seemed so perfect. The afternoon light slanting into his office through the window sends dust motes dancing, and Chil-hyun pauses in his reverie to look at them. He blinks once, twice, and thinks he is dreaming: Hye-sung is standing in the office.

“Hye-sung?” he calls softly, unsure of himself. Is he going crazy?

Hye-sung smiles shyly and waves a little. Chil-hyun feels like he has been transported back in time, or like he has just woken up from a dream. Nothing happened. He never saw Hye-sung on the couch with Jun-jin. He never sat at the kitchen and heard Hye-sung say that these last years have been a complete waste. He never watched numbly as Hye-sung walked out of the apartment, dropping the pieces of Chil-hyun’s heart behind him. He is so happy, so very, very happy, and he says again, “Hye-sung, thank God you’re here. I’m so glad to see you. I—I love you.”

Hye-sung smiles again, but doesn’t say anything, and that is when the pangs of doubt grip Chil-hyun again. Please let this be real, he thinks. Please God, please whoever is up there: let this be real. He closes his eyes, counts to ten, then opens them again.

Hye-sung is gone.

Chil-hyun collapses back into his seat and buries his face in his hands. He is going crazy, going insane with missing Hye-sung. He can’t even numb himself with anger, because anger does the opposite: it whets the sharpness of Hye-sung’s absence even more, whets the sharp points of Chil-hyun’s longing. He realizes that he will never stop longing for the things that were, no matter how long the years that pass. And when he finally acknowledges this, the hot tears that splash onto his hands do not surprise him. He only wonders how long it will be before they all dry up, until they no longer flow from his cracked and torn heart.

*

At Tae-soo’s studio, Hye-sung is painting. He paints all the things stored in his mind, and lets his memory choose the colors of the canvas. It is a week, maybe two, before he realizes something about everything that he draws, everything that he transfers to the canvas: Chil-hyun.

As it was years ago, Chil-hyun is in everything that he works on. Hye-sung sits and stares at the canvas when he finally sees this, and he thinks, Why, why, why, why? He told himself, so long ago, that he would forget Chil-hyun. He would stop waiting for Chil-hyun to let go of Dami, to love him. And he thought that it worked. He really thought that he had let go of all his hopes, and protected his heart from Chil-hyun. But he hasn’t: Chil-hyun has been there all along, and now that Hye-sung is away from him for the first time in years, now that he is waking up alone in bed, now that he is going through the day without even a glimpse of Chil-hyun, or any expectation that he will see him again soon—it hurts.

So much for keeping his heart isolated, he thinks bitterly. So much for being strong. So much for finding his own way, without Chil-hyun, without Jun-jin, without anyone. He still can’t sever the string that binds him to Chil-hyun, and, what is more surprising, he doesn’t want to. But does Chil-hyun want to do so? Hye-sung wouldn’t blame him if he did, but still… he wants to know.

Instead of calling Chil-hyun, he paints a picture. He paints two boys standing in the desert, separated from each other by a deep and yawning chasm. Between them trails a winding red string, so stark and vibrant against the grays and blacks of the desert. It weaves between rocks, between thorny bushes, and dips into the chasm, as if disappearing. But it is unbroken; it links the two boys together, even though their backs are to each other.

It takes Hye-sung a while to finish this painting. When he is finished, he does not show it to Tae-soo. It is a small painting, so he wraps it up carefully and puts it in a box. He writes a familiar address on it, and an even more familiar name. Then he sends the box off, with the painting and a note nestled inside. The note reads, “Chil-hyun, this is for you. What do you think of it?”

Hye-sung has never asked Chil-hyun what he thinks of his paintings. He didn’t know if Chil-hyun would understand them, or, if he did, what he would tell Hye-sung. But now he is asking, and he waits, day by day, for the answer: he is waiting, and this time, he will listen.

SungTa - magician!verse

2008-05-03T02:51:29Z

lmao, KangTa the asshole magician.

*

About two weeks after Hye-sung starts working for KangTa, the magician finally notices his assistant's presence. He looks up from his book and asks, "Who the hell are you?"

"I--" Hye-sung stutters, already used to moving around KangTa silently, tending to the other man's needs without him registering his going-abouts. "I'm your assistant. Tae-soo sshi... Tae-soo sshi hired me and told me that--"

"That's enough." KangTa holds up a hand and halts Hye-sung mid-sentence. It is an imperious gesture, and Hye-sung bites his tongue to stop the irritation he can feel welling up. "So you're my assistant?" His eyes rove up and down Hye-sung's body, and Hye-sung feels as uncomfortable as if he were standing there naked. He looks down at the ground until KangTa is done and says, "Hmm... You're so pretty. Come here."

Hye-sung walks forward, and stops within a few inches of KangTa. He doesn't have time to protest when KangTa leans forward, grabs his wrist, and pulls him onto his lap. "KangTa sshi!" he yelps, and struggles to get free.

KangTa wraps an arm around Hye-sung's waist and smirks. "You're my assistant, Hye-sung sshi."

"What does that have to do with sitting in your lap?!"

"Being my assistant means that you do what I ask you to do; and right now, I'm asking you to sit in my lap."

"Why?"

"Because you're pretty?"

"That's not a reason!"

"Well, I don't need a reason. So stay here." KangTa cinches his arm more tightly about Hye-sung's waist and doesn't let him get up. "Here, I'll show you a magic trick."

"I am not a child--"

"You're going to be helping me with my shows, so you have to get used to the tricks sooner or later."

"Yes, but--wait. What? I'm going to be helping you with your shows?"

KangTa raises an eyebrow. "What else did you think being my assistant entailed?"

Hye-sung curses, a colorful string of words that bely his delicate features, and makes a note to tell Tae-soo shi that nowhere in his contract did it say that he would be going on stage, like those bimbo girls he always sees on television. "Secretarial-esque position," his ass.

*

"I'm not going to fit into that box."

"You are. Just get in."

"I'm telling you, I'm not going to fit in there."

"Then take off your clothes."

"What?" Even after being around KangTa for a month, Hye-sung is still non-plussed whenever the magician tells him to do ridiculous, highly suggestive things. "How is that going to help?"

"Your clothing is a little bulky." KangTa smirks, the smug gesture angering Hye-sung even more. "If you take it off, you'll be able to fit in."

"My clothes are not bulky."

"They are. It's a good thing we're having you a bunch of suits custom made before the show, otherwise you'd be an embarrassment to the entire group."

"My clothes are perfectly fine."

"For a hobo gathering."

Hye-sung throws his arms up in the air and storms off the stage, but KangTa catches up to him in two strides and yanks him back. "Hey. You're not allowed to leave unless I say so."

"I'm your assistant, not your slave!"

"Assistant, slave... whatever. Either way, I'm telling you to stay here until we're done going over the performance." KangTa actually has the nerve to toy with Hye-sung's belt buckle, as if he's about to undo it and pull out Hye-sung's belt. Hye-sung smacks his hand away, blushing furiously.

"Let go of me, you slimy asshole!"

"Slimy? I'm hurt." KangTa puts a hand over his heart, pouting.

"God, don't make that face at me," Hye-sung grumbles. But he doesn't walk away; he stands by the box instead, and stares distrustfully at it. "So what exactly are you going to do to me when I'm in the box?"

"Sorry, I can't tell you."

"What do you mean, can't tell me? I'm your assistant!"

"Yes, but even assistants can't know certain things."

"What things?!"

KangTa walks over to Hye-sung and wraps an arm around his waist from behind. He whispers into Hye-sung's ear, "A magician's secrets," and Hye-sung can't believe the intensity of the blush that spreads from his neck upwards.

*

When the night of Hye-sung's first appearance rolls around, he feels sick and self-conscious. "I can't do it," he mutters, clinging to KangTa's arm. "I can't do it. I can't walk up there in front of so many people, and--and--"

"Shh, it's all right," KangTa says. He strokes Hye-sung's hair, and for once, Hye-sung doesn't jerk away and say, "Don't touch me!"

"It's not all right! What if I screw up?"

"You won't," KangTa assures him. "You'll do fine. Just don't think about all those people. Pretend it's only you and me, practicing."

Hye-sung takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. It works only a little, but he has no time for anything else. KangTa is called onstage, and he grabs Hye-sung by the hand, dragging him with him. "Wait, KangTa--"

"Relax, Hye-sung."

But Hye-sung can't relax. He freezes when KangTa introduces both of them. KangTa raises an eyebrow at Hye-sung so he will wave, smile, do something instead of just standing there like a statue. He can't do anything; he's too scared, too self-conscious, too unprepared, he's going to screw this up--

And then KangTa takes his hand and squeezes it, and Hye-sung squeezes back without thinking. His fingers feel less numb--he can move them now, thank god--and the warmth slowly spreads through the rest of his body as KangTa looks at him and whispers, "Hye-sung... Hye-sung, look at me. Just look at me, okay? It's only you and me, Hye-sung. Only you and me... Just the two of us..." KangTa's soft voice wills him into movement, and before he knows it he is smiling and bowing to the audience.

KangTa smiles proudly, and doesn't forget to make sure his eyes are only for Hye-sung the entire night.

*

After the show, KangTa kisses Hye-sung on the forehead. It isn't flirtatious, or suggestive; it is gentle, and Hye-sung looks away, mumbling something about a speck of dust in his eye. And indeed, his eyes are fluttering rapidly, as if he's trying to dislodge something in them. But KangTa sees the pink of his cheeks and feels the tightness of Hye-sung's grip on his hand, and smiles. Finally, Hye-sung says, "KangTa..."

"Yes?"

"Were you telling the truth?"

"About what?"

"About...about what you told me on stage. Is it true? Is it really just the two of us, and nobody else?"

And KangTa kisses Hye-sung's hand and murmurs, "Yes, I was. It's only the two of us, Hye-sung... I promise."

Femmeslash - Vanessa/Ji-hye, Vanessa + Vanness

2008-05-01T01:00:02Z

More Ethan/Xuan (including SSBB stuff) after this~

*

So it starts when Emily says, "Vanessa, go Google yourself."

Vanessa is slurping down a smoothie, ignoring her mother's latest lecture about being a proper lady ("I have boobs and I love shopping, how much girlier do you want me to be?"). She doesn't even ask Emily why she should do that: it's hot and they're bored. Plus, nobody needs a reason to Google herself.

She types in "Vaness," misses the "a" key, and hits "Enter." Google asks, "Do you mean Vanness?"

"You are such a ditz," Emily says.

Vanessa kicks her. "Shut up. I want to know what a 'Vanness' is." She clicks on the name, then follows the first link, which is titled "Asian Fanatics Forum: Vanness Wu." The first thing on the page is a large picture of an Asian boy (man?), who is shirtless and sporting the most gorgeous abs Vanessa has ever seen.

"Ew," Emily says.

"Hot!" Vanessa counters, and ignores Emily (who has never liked Asian guys anyway) for the next twenty minutes as she reads everything on the page. "Born 1978... He's thirty? No way. Part of a band called F4... Did a collaboration with a Korean singer named KangTa (oh, he's cute!)." Vanessa scrolls past what seems like hundreds of pictures, silent, and then adds, "Apparently, is allergic to shirts." Seventy percent of the pictures are of Vanness shirtless, almost shirtless, or showing off his lean, muscular body in some form or another.

Emily steals Vanessa's smoothie and drinks about half of it while Vanessa is distracted. "So is he your new crush now?" she asks, rolling her eyes. Vanessa has a new crush every other week, it seems.

"He's my god," Vanessa says mock solemnly, and as it turns out, this infatuation lasts for much longer than a week or two. One year later, a few months into her friendship with Ji-hye Moon, she shows her a picture of Vanness. 'He's hot, right?"

Ji-hye is silent for a few beats. "Oh. It's Vanness Wu."

"Oh my god, you know him!"

"Only barely!"

But that seals their friendship even more, and Ji-hye regrets ever mentioning that she knows Vanness Wu. Vanessa is completely infatuated with him, even though Ji-hye points out that it would be a pain to even go out to dinner with the guy, since all he eats are salads. Vanessa always ignores this, so Ji-hye always ends up rolling her eyes and thinking that, god or no god, Vaness Wu is a total pain in the ass.

("I bet he likes it in the ass, too."

"...That is so hot.")

Femmeslash - Vanessa/Ji-hye

2008-04-30T01:17:18Z

Fail, I have no femmeslash-y icon to use. :< Also, this is too short for a cut, so I am leaving it out in the open. Enjoy~

*

Vanessa dances like she is the only one in the room. She is centered and poised, sinuous and fluid. Her movements are confident, sure: every turn, every jump, every pause, has a purpose. Her body translates the tunes, the lyrics of the songs.

Ji-hye dances like she and Vanessa are the only ones in the room. She reads the movements of Vanessa’s body and answers them. She is the counter rhythm, the complement to Vanessa. When they dance they touch and brush and slide together, so seamless and perfect.

This is why Ji-hye never asks, “Do you love me?” and why Vanessa rarely says, “I love you.” Instead, she draws Ji-hye onto the floor, and they begin to dance. Both of them know that love is not three words, not candies, not flowers; love is knowing where to move, when to step, so that their bodies come together perfectly in sync.

Ethan/Xuan - #5: Trickery; Magic

2008-04-29T03:41:21Z

Omigod, Xuan breaks school rules.

*

Ethan grabs Xuan's arm in the locker room while everyone else is changing for P.E. and drags him out the door. "Come on, we're going to Yogurt Heaven."

"Yogurt what? And we have to go to class. We can't just ditch."

"We are ditching. Just chill, Xuan."

"But--"

"You'll still have straight A's, and I'll still pass my classes."

"How--"

"Lynn's already waiting in her car. Hurry up, we have to sneak through the Accounting class."

Xuan doesn't have time to protest, because Ethan is hustling him into the Accounting class, right to the back.

The teacher, Mr. Holden, doesn't even look up from his desk as they cross the door that leads into the parking lot. "Free period, Ethan?"

"P.E."

"Oh. Same thing. Have fun!"

Xuan gapes. "What kind of teacher is he? I can't believe he just let you walk out like that!"

"Mr. Holden doesn't believe in the importance of physical education."

"But letting you sneak off campus is a totally different thing!"

"Mr. Holden does believe in senior privileges. Lots of them."

"Neither of us have senior privileges," Xuan points out.

Ethan prods Xuan in the direction fo Lynn's car, where she is already waiting. "We're seniors, so therefore we have senior privileges," he says, and ignores all of Xuan's arguments that this is the stupidest thing he's ever done.

*

Xuan refuses to buy anything at Yogurt Heaven. "I can't believe we're skipping class."

"Why did you come? You didn't have to," Lynn says.

Xuan kicks Ethan's leg. "Ethan just dragged me out of the locker room!"

"And you didn't put up a fight?"

"Well." Xuan blushes. "I didn't--I don't know why!"

"Say 'ahhh,'" Ethan says, and spoons a mouthful of chocolate into Xuan's mouth.

Xuan swallows. Then he says, "I hate chocolate."

"Grumpy bastard." Ethan punches Xuan's shoulder. "Is this the thanks I get for trying to help you relax?"

"How can I relax when I'm breaking multiple school rules?!"

Lynn mixes some of the plain tart flavor with the strawberry banana. "You're not breaking multiple school rules. You're only breaking one."

"And that's supposed to be a good thing?"

"Here," Ethan says. "Try some green tea." He has to prod Xuan's mouth open with the spoon.

"That's disgusting."

Ethan rolls his eyes. "I give up."

Lynn says, "I told you he wouldn't like this."

"Yeah, yeah. I just thought he could use a little fun." Ethan jabs his yogurt angrily, and Xuan remembers that he told Ethan the other day that his childhood was sadly devoid of any fun.

Sighing, he takes the spoon from Ethan. "Don't waste your yogurt like that. And for the record, I like vanilla, not chocolate. Or green tea." He eats some of the vanilla, carefully avoiding the M&M's and brownie chunks Ethan has scattered all over the yogurt.

"I knew you would like this," Ethan says smugly.

"This is still the stupidest thing I have ever done. Ever."

"But it's fun, right?"

Xuan is silent for a moment. Then he says, "Maybe," and Ethan smiles.

AU something - VanSung

2008-04-27T22:06:33Z

OMK, SSBB, why you so hard to write. ;__; Here, have some random, AU Vanness/HyeSung (and unrequited KangTa/HyeSung). Yes, you read that correctly. Vanness/HyeSung.

*

Chil-hyun wishes Jian Hao hadn’t taken the picture. He could have left him with that, at least. But Jian Hao is angry at him, and understandably so. You’re not supposed to keep a picture of your best friend’s boyfriend in your wallet. You’re not supposed to stroke it gently whenever you look at it. You’re not supposed to whisper, “Hye-sung” like it’s a caress. You’re not supposed to be in love with your best friend’s boyfriend.

Chil-hyun is doing all of these things when one of the other officers snatches his wallet away from him. “What’s this, Hyun? Slacking off when you’re supposed to be on duty?”

“I’m not—hey, give that back to me! It’s private!”

“Aww, why? You looking at pictures of your sweetheart, Hyun?”

He’s not my sweetheart, Chil-hyun thinks. He’s Jian Hao’s. “No, I’m not. Now give that back, it’s rude to just grab someone’s personal belongings like that.”

“Don’t be so uptight, man. I just want to see what you were looking at.” The officer raises an eyebrow as he looks at Hye-sung’s picture. “This a guy or a girl, Hyun?”

“Don’t be an asshole, you know that’s a guy.”

“I’m just kidding! He’s pretty. So, seriously, is he your boyfriend?”

“Chil-hyun has a boyfriend?” Jian Hao asks, walking over to them, coffee cup in hand. “No kidding. Let me see that.”

“Don’t!”

But it’s too late. Jian Hao takes the wallet from the officer’s hand, and the smile slides right off his face. He is silent for several moments as he studies the photo, and Chil-hyun looks down at his desk, heart thumping. Finally, Jian Hao says, “Hyun. Where did you get this?”

Chil-hyun shakes his head. “I—I can’t—”

“Did Hye-sung give this to you?”

“No! No, of course not. He doesn’t—he doesn’t even know I have it. Please, Jian Hao, don’t be mad—”

Jian Hao sets the coffee cup down. He takes Hye-sung’s picture out of Chil-hyun’s wallet, and throws the wallet back to Chil-hyun, who catches it, fumbling. Tucking the photo into his pocket, Jian Hao says, “Don’t go chasing after what’s not yours, Hyun,” and narrows his eyes at Chil-hyun before walking off.

The other officer leaves as well; he doesn’t want to know what just happened. Chil-hyun buries his face in his hands, breathing deeply, trying to calm his racing heart. He doesn’t know what’s worse: the fact that he might have just ruined his friendship with Jian Hao; or the fact that he might have just ruined whatever relationship he has managed to build with Hye-sung over the past three years.

Meme - SungTa

2008-04-25T05:10:36Z

1. Pick a character, pairing, or fandom you like.
2. Turn on your music player and put it on random/shuffle.
3. Write a drabble related to each song that plays. You only have the time frame of the song to finish the drabble; you start when the song starts, and stop when it's over. No lingering afterwards!
4. Do ten of these, then post them.

*

1. Brighter Than Sunshine

HyeSung has been in love plenty of times before. It's like a chronic illness, the way he meets a girl, falls hopelessly head over heels, and ends up with his heart broken. Most of the times it's his fault, and he learns after a while that the best thing to do is to carefully protect his heart, and nurture it in loneliness and solitude. The only thing that happens, though, is that he becomes used to loneliness without learning how to stop falling in love.

Then one day, he realizes that he's in love with KangTa. KangTa has been in love plenty of times before, too. They joke about it all the time: if they were to put together all their stories, they would have an epic, a string of melancholy love affairs that have added up to nothing but loneliness. HyeSung is afraid to add KangTa to this list, because he doesn't want to be left behind by his best friend. KangTa is the only one who keeps him company through the good and the bad, and he doesn't want to lose that. But he can't help but feel that KangTa won't fail him like that, won't leave him behind.

2. O Geudaeneun Areumdaun Yeoin

It's a bright spring morning when KangTa leaves for the army. HyeSung sets his alarm so he can wake up early and go with his best friend to the training center. KangTa tells him that it's not needed, he doesn't have to see him off. But HyeSung insists, and he's waiting outside KangTa's house with his car ready, even if he himself isn't.

"I wish I could go with you," he says to KangTa when KangTa gets inside. "I wish I could be with you, Hyunnie, I--"

KangTa cuts him off. "Don't worry about things like that, HyeSungie. You can't go, but that doesn't mean you can't send me letters, or text me."

"It's not the same as seeing you every day."

"But what can you do?"

HyeSung starts up the car and pulls out of the driveway. "I don't know. Maybe go back in time and fix my knee."

KangTa laughs. "Oh HyeSungie. You know even if you stopped that accident from happening, you would have found another way to sprain your knee. Maybe from doing all those round kicks, or something. But you would have been injured."

HyeSung shakes his head. "Yes, but--"

3. It's You

"Hey," KangTa asks HyeSung, "how come you didn't do a mini album with me?"

"Because your voice stinks," HyeSung answers, rolling his eyes. "And I like Lyn better than you."

KangTa hits HyeSung. "Take that back, jerk! My voice doesn't stink; I'm the one who taught you how to sing! And how can you like Lyn better, when I'm your boyfriend?"

"I was joking, I was joking! Of course you don't suck at singing. I know that. But you're too busy working on your album, and I didn't want to bother you. Besides..." He cradles KangTa's cheek in his hand. "It's not like we don't sing together all the time at home."

"That's true... Let's sing a song right now, Sungie!"

"What song?"

"I don't know. Oh, wait, I do. Why don't you sing my knew song with me? A sneak peek, hmm?"

"I don't know the lyrics to your song," HyeSung says, laughing. "And I don't even know what it sounds like."

"I'll teach you." KangTa pats the spot next to him. "Come on, it'll be like old times, ne?"

4. (Cause) I'm Your Girl

KangTa wonders why HyeSung does the thing he does sometimes. HyeSung has always said, even before they started dating, that he is no good at romantic things. He couldn't even figure out which flowers to buy for his old girlfriends. But ever since he has been with Kangta, he has done any of a number of romantic things, including cooking surprise dinners and leaving little gifts around the house for KangTa to find.

"Are you reading a manual or something?" KangTa asks. "Is this where you're getting all these ideas from?"

HyeSung frowns at him. "Even if I am, what's the big deal? I just want to do something for romantic for you. It's the thought that counts, right?"

"I'm not saying it's a bad thing!" KangTa throws up his hands. "I really appreciate all the stuff you're doing for me, Sungie. It's just that I'm wondering why."

HyeSung sighs and hugs KangTa. KangTa can feel his lips pressed against his own skin as he says, "Because I love you, that's why."

5. I'm Sorry for Forgetting You

Love in May is the name of HyeSung's first album. It's a poetic name, and he likes it. His fans like it, too, even if they don't understand the English words. Everyone likes it, really; but KangTa likes it best of all.

"Did you name it after us?" he asks teasingly. "Because it was May when we fell in love?"

"Oh, you remembered?" HyeSung pretends to be off hand about it. "I didn't think you would. But yes, that is why I named it Love in May."

KangTa laughs. "Oh, but all your songs are so depressing... It makes me feel like something could go wrong at any moment."

HyeSung punches his shoulder. "You idiot, don't say things like that! My songs are sads because they're ballads, and they're talking about my past relationships. Not ours, okay?" He takes KangTa's face in his hands and smiles at him. "Love in May means that even though we've both been through hard times, there's still room in our hearts for each other, and that we realized that."

6. The Tower

HyeSung hates it when KangTa is sick.

"Don't mind me," KangTa tells HyeSung over the phone, as he coughs. "It's just a cold. I'll be over it soon."

"You're sick; you need someone to take care of you. I'm going to come over--"

"Don't! HyeSungie, don't bother. You're busy and you can't take time off like this."

"But you took care of me when I was sick," HyeSung says softly. "You took almost a week off; you cooked my meals for me; you took my temperature and you made me rest. Why can't I do the same for you?"

"Because, HyeSungie, I wanted to do that for you. But I don't want you to have to go through all that trouble for me."

"But why? I don't understand why it's all right for you to go through all that trouble, but I can't."

KangTa says, "Because I'm not worth it, Sung, but you are."

7. Eternity

Everyone wonders what the meaning of KangTa's music video for "Eternity" is. Who is the girl? Does she represent his fans? His old girlfriend? Only KangTa knows the answer, but he doesn't tell anyone.

He doesn't tell anyone that at nights, when the barracks are silent and cold, he takes out his wallet and flips it open to look at the picture of HyeSung tucked inside.

He doesn't tell anyone that there hasn't been one day that he didn't at least hear HyeSung's voice over the phone--until now.

He doesn't tell anyone that this absence, this lack of HyeSung's presence, is chipping his heart into pieces.

He doesn't tell anyone that the ring around his neck is engagement ring, and that there is a matching one hanging from HyeSung's neck, hidden until the moment it can be slipped onto a finger.

8. Sun That Never Sets

You are jealous of HyeSung. You don't admit it, but it eats away at you: he has his family, still, but you? You have no one. You are by yourself. It's been years and years since H.O.T. broke apart and drifted away, but you still miss all of your band mates so much. You miss HeeJun; you miss WooHyuk; you miss Tony; you miss JaeWon; you miss all of them, and you envy HyeSung because he still has so many chances to see his band mates.

"I haven't seen any of the guys in such a long time," he tells you over coffee one morning. "We hardly have any activities together, and Eric and DongWan are going into the army soon..."

You shake your head. "At least you have them right now. And you'll still be together when everyone finishes with the army."

"I don't know... will we?"

9. Perguntas

"Hola. Como te llamas? Tu eres muy... sexy...o?"

HyeSung buried his face in his arms and shook his head. "No... Eric. Just... no. Please don't ever try speaking Spanish again."

Eric pouted. "It's not like you could understand any of that!"

"I understood 'sexyo,'" MinWoo said, looking up from the game of pattycakes he and DongWan were playing.

"'Sexyo' is not a word!" HyeSung threw his arms up, as if pleading for help from some power above. "Just because there's an 'o' at the end doesn't mean it's a Spanish word."

"Hey HyeSung, doesn't KangTa know Spanish?" Eric asked. "'Cause I remember he sang that one song... 'Preguntas'?"

"It was Perguntas," HyeSung said, "and that wasn't Spanish. That was Portuguese, you moron."

"Oooh, excuse me. Portuguese." Eric rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry I'm not as cultured as your KangTa, HyeSungie."

"I'm sorry you're not cultured at all--hey, wait. What? My KangTa? What the hell does that mean?"

DongWan yelled, "IT MEANS YOU LOVE KANGTA AND KANGTA LOVES YOU!" He made a heart with his arms, and MinWoo smacked him on the shoulder. "Focus, idiot, we're in the middle of an important game right now."

10. Cheoeum Neukkim Gudaero

"Mmm, don't you think Ji Sun from Loveholic has such a beautiful voice?" HyeSung asked KangTa. They were lying together on the couch, legs tangled.

KangTa tugged on the blanket, covering them more tightly. "I think you have a more beautiful voice."

"Do I? But it's hard to compare voices that are different... It's like comparing a piano with a flute."

"You're not a piano or a flute," KangTa said. "You're a... you're a bird."

HyeSung smacked his shoulder. "You're an idiot. A bird? That's the best you could come up with?"

"What? What else do you want me to compare you to?"

"I don't know... how about an angel?"

KangTa rolled his eyes. "Fine, angel."

Ethan/Xuan - #31: The Library; Bookshop

2008-04-22T23:56:08Z

BABY STEPS. BABY STEPS. ;_;

*

Xuan was always tired these days, and Ethan was always busy. They rarely got any time alone together, which was why Ethan finally shoved aside a stack of essays, capped his red pen, and said, "We're going to do something today."

Xuan asked, "Do what?"

"I don't know. Let's go to the beach, ride our bikes. We haven't done that in a while."

"Maybe..."

Ethan hugged Xuan. "Please, Xuan? I want to spend time with you."

"Okay," Xuan said, giving in. He sighed, but smiled. "Whatever you want, Ethan."

*

The ocean air was salty and brisk, and Xuan got back some of the color he had recently lost as he pedaled along the sidewalk with Ethan. They got some ice cream, and ate it on a stone bench. "You've got something on your face," Ethan murmured, kissing a bit of mint chocolate chip off the corner of Xuan's mouth. Xuan swatted Ethan's hand lightly, but he was a long way away from the boy he had been when he first kissed Ethan, and the only embarrassing thing was that they were too old for this now.

Later, Ethan dragged Xuan into a used bookstore. "I want to see if they have anything good about the French Revolution. My class is studying it, and I want to get them interested."

"Why don't you try A Tale of Two Cities?"

"Hell no, they'd fall asleep."

Xuan shook his head and wandered into a small space between two bookcases groaning with hardcovers. A window spilled light onto the floor and illuminated dust motes drifting through the air. He picked up an ancient tome and flipped through it.

Quietly, Ethan came up behind Xuan and wrapped his arms around him. "Enjoying yourself?"

"Mhmm... It's really relaxing." Xuan leaned back against Ethan and looked out the window. The sunlight glinted off the ocean's surface; the distant cry of seagulls drifted to his ears; and Ethan's arms around him were warm, and comforting.

AU Hitsuzen - Ryuris

2008-04-22T23:17:06Z

Chris's father never comes to Korea, but he still manages to give Seung-jae a gift. One day, Chris smiles at Seung-jae and says, "I love you."

Seung-jae doesn't say anything. He just stares.

Chris giggles and shakes his head. "You don't have to say anything. Just stick with me, okay?"

Seung-jae nods, so Chris drags him outside the school. They end up going to a carnival that's in town, where Chris buy cotton candy and Seung-jae wins a small stuffed penguin. He gives it to Chris, and Chris says, "I love you," again. Seung-jae blushes and mumbles something in return that makes Chris laugh.

That night, Chris takes Seung-jae home. Seung-jae meets Hye-sung, and Chris cooks dinner for all of them. "Can Seung-jae stay over tonight?" Chris asks his brother.

"Only if his parents are fine with it. And--"

"We won't have sex. Promise."

"That's not--"

"My parents won't mind," Seung-jae cuts in. "And I wouldn't touch your brother."

"Unless I wanted it," Chris mutters, which earns him a glare from Hye-sung.

But Chris and Seung-jae don't make love that night. They just lie together in bed, hugging. Seung-jae strokes Chris's hair and finally says, "I love you, Chris. I won't leave you, I promise." He kisses Chris, and Chris whispers, "Okay. I trust you."

HyeSung claim

2008-04-22T05:01:37Z

HyeSung claim for battle_shinwa. (Unaccepted as of now, but I need to store it somewhere.) It's short, so I'm not putting it behind a cut. Suck it up.

*

HyeSung doesn't like romantic movies. He knows he's supposed to be the "prince," but he's never been good with romantic things in general. He's polite, and he's thoughtful (mostly), but he can't tell whether a girl would like a long, relaxing trip to the Jeju Islands, or just a simple dinner date complete with flowers (and what kind?). The point is, HyeSung needs a lesson or two on how to be romantic, if he's going to complete that princely image. He doesn't think romantic movies should be included in that lesson or two, though. Especially if they make him cry.

...

Not that HyeSung cries over sappy movies. He's a prince (really), and princes don't cry.

(Unless, of course, the movie is so sad and tragic.)

Ethan/Xuan - #11: Mission Impossible; limitation

2008-04-22T01:35:41Z

Man, I think I'm going to go write more HyeSung stuff now.

*

Three months into their relationship, Xuan says, "Ethan, you need to work out."

Ethan doesn't look away from the T.V. screen. Lynn gave him Final Fantasy to play, and he's been caught up in it since the start. "Why do I need to work out? I'm not fat."

"You will be."

"And that's a problem?"

"I don't want a fat boyfriend."

Ethan laughs. "That's mean, Xuan."

Xuan scowls at Ethan. "Shut up. I meant I don't want an unhealthy boyfriend."

"Okay, but what do you want me to do? Join the basketball team? Oh, wait, I've got it: I'll try out for the football team!"

"Your sarcasm isn't appreciated. Why don't you go biking with me?"

"I don't have a bike."

"I can lend you one."

"But I don't want to ride a bike," Ethan says. "I want to ride you." He grins.

Xuan goes red. Then even redder. And even redder still, until Ethan wonders if there's a deeper shade of red than the one on Xuan's face. Finally, Xuan says, "You're going to ride a bike. With me. That's it, okay? That's it."

So Ethan fixes his schedule to include weekly bike rides with Xuan, and Xuan says that's all those excursions are going to be: nice, healthy, and innocent.

(Of course, Ethan complains on the first day that his ass hurts, and somehow that leads to other things, which also involve riding and some soreness. Ethan claims that they're a much better work out, but Xuan still clings to his bike rides, and Ethan humors him.)

AU Hitsuzen - KiChan

2008-04-20T19:14:50Z

I AM FORCING MYSELF TO WRITE AND IT IS KIND OF LIKE TORTURE. :<

*

Tae-kwan, contrary to most people’s opinions, has a plan for his life. It is clear and simple: after high school, he will do his two years of military training. In training, he will shed whatever doubts, whatever regrets, whatever pains clinging to him. And when he is done, when his life is orderly again, he can move on, and his past, with Ki-hyun in it, will fade away.

*

Hye-sung does not understand Tae-kwan’s decision. “Why?” he asks his student. “Why go into the army right after school? You could be going to a university, getting a job—”

Tae-kwan laughs. “No offense, Teacher, but you don’t have to lie to be nice. We both know I’m not going to any good university, or starting a brilliant career. Besides, I want to fulfill my military service and get it over with. There’s no point in putting my life together and then putting it on hold for two years.

It is the first time that Hye-sung has seen Tae-kwan acting seriously. The boy sounds confident and sure. “You’ve been talking to Chil-hyun sshi,” he says. Chil-hyun also went through his compulsory military training right out of high school. He rarely ever talks about the experience, and steers the conversation to other topics when Hye-sung brings it up.

Tae-kwan says, “Yes, I did talk to Chil-hyun hyung. We agreed that it’s better to go into the army without any…any personal attachments.”

“Personal attachments?”

“Oh, you know…boyfriends, girlfriends, fiancées… By the way, when are you and Chil-hyun hyung getting married?”

Hye-sung turns red. “W-What? Married? We’re not—I don’t think—” He fumbles through several more incoherent sentences while Tae-kwan chuckles, and Hye-sung forgets his question about what “personal attachments” Tae-kwan is talking about.

*

Seung-jae tries to stop Tae-kwan from going. “You’re wasting your life! Just go to a university, Tae-kwan. It’ll be so much harder to start over again when you’re older.”

“I’m not going to be that old,” Tae-kwan says, rolling his eyes. He continues packing his duffel bag, as if Seung-jae’s words are merely sliding off him, unabsorbed.

“But—two years—”

“I’ll have visiting days, so I’ll come see you and Chris. Promise.”

“But—”

“Ne, Seung-jae, you’ll come to my graduation, right? And drop me off at the training center?”

“I—”

“Don’t be so gloomy,” Tae-kwan says. “I’m not going into exile or anything.”

Seung-jae shakes his head and reluctantly helps Tae-kwan finish packing.

*

Tae-kwan plans to go to the training center right after graduation. After he accepts his certificate from the principal, he hugs his parents and his brother good bye.

“I won’t hug you yet,” he tells Seung-jae. “You’re driving me to the training center, so I’ll say good bye there.”

Tae-kwan is laughing and smiling as he speaks, but he is also looking around, looking for someone—looking for Ki-hyun. It is not hard to spot him: even though Ki-hyun is slouching, he still hovers above all the other students. Tae-kwan stares at him for several moments, ignoring the fact that his heart is hurting; this will be his last glimpse of Ki-hyun (so it is a good silent good bye, really). Then he turns back to Seung-jae and his family.

Tae-kwan walks out of the building without any expectations that Ki-hyun will acknowledge him. He is used to Ki-hyun ignoring him, and a good bye from Ki-hyun only happens in his dreams. That is why when Ki-hyun touches him on the shoulder as he throws his duffel bag into Seung-jae’s backseat, he blinks and thinks it is an illusion.

“I’m sorry,” Ki-hyun says, and Tae-kwan knows this is not an illusion, not a dream, because Ki-hyun’s presence is so real. It hurts. He almost wishes this were a dream. “I’m so sorry, Tae-kwan.”

Seung-jae coughs and gets inside the car, giving them some time alone.

Tae-kwan doesn’t know what to say; it’s been so long since he has talked to Ki-hyun, and all the things between them are old and painful. “What are you sorry for?” he asks.

“For not talking to you,” says Ki-hyun. “For not telling you that I love you. For—for a lot of things.”

“Love? What? Ki-hyun, what the hell are you talking about?” Tae-kwan shakes his head: this moment is too surreal, too ironic for him. Life is giving him a second chance, but it is not giving him enough time to savor it. “Why are you telling me this now, Ki-hyun? Now, when I’m about to leave?”

“Because I didn’t want you to leave without knowing. Because I’m selfish and I don’t want you to forget me,” Ki-hyun tells him. He hesitantly takes Tae-kwan’s hand in his, and the feeling is familiar. It fits so well.

“Oh god…” He wants to cry and to laugh. Tae-kwan expected to go into the army with a clear heart, but Ki-hyun is blurring the edges and opening doors. “Ki-hyun, I can’t—this is too sudden. You idiot, why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I was scared.”

Tae-kwan shakes his head. His heart is cluttered again; but it is also fuller, and more complete than it has been in a long time. The last time it was like this was when he lay with Ki-hyun in bed, holding him. He looks up at Ki-hyun and says, simply, “I love you, too. But will you remember me?”

Ki-hyun smiles and the old, painful things between them hurt a little less. “Yes,” he says. “Yes…forever and ever."

Ethan/Xuan - #9: Rush; Thrill; Exhilration

2008-04-18T03:16:24Z

I--I think I might actually be getting back into the groove of things. >__>

*

The sun is setting, and Xuan needs to summon a fire spirit. He is in the middle of surgery right now, and he cannot afford to slip or stumble in the darkness. But being in the middle of surgery means he cannot make an offering, so he just mumbles a prayer, hoping that the spirit won’t be offended and will come.

“Please come,” he murmurs, hands unwavering as he makes an incision in his patient’s skin. “I can’t offer you anything right now, but I promise I will pay you back later. Please, come.”

To his relief, warmth begins to seep into the room, and light chases away the lengthening shadows. A crackling voice in his ear tells him, “You are lucky that I favor you, Doctor, or I would not have come to your aid.”

“Thank you,” he says. “I will make my offering later.”

“Let us hope you will.” The spirit’s voice is serious, but becomes amused when it adds, “Oh, and by the by: your fire speaker is coming home tonight.”

“He’s not mine,” Xuan says, and shakes his head, pretending that he has not heard the knowing tone in the spirit’s voice.

*

Xuan is grateful that the spirit, whose name is Cirdan, has come. He knows of many others who suffer from the darkness and from the Mara when night comes because they are too poor to sacrifice the food and kindling that the fire spirits demand, or because they have offended them.

Xuan, luckily, is Cirdan’s favorite. Each fire spirit has a certain home or a certain person they prefer, and come to often. Cirdan was unsatisfied with every home and every person before the fire speaker Ethan introduced him to Xuan. He took a liking to the quiet, unobtrusive doctor, and responds to his summons every night. Xuan does not have to worry about the Mara preying on him when it becomes dark.

It is Cirdan who senses Ethan coming home. The house glows warmly, and Xuan glances up from his desk just as Ethan walks through the door, red hair muted with dirt.

“That trip was horrible,” Ethan says, flopping down on Xuan’s couch. “The Mara attacked us three times--three--and Elessar wasn’t happy. Neither was I, but we got through safely.”

“Where is Elessar now?” Cirdan asks, his voice the low roar of burning flames. Ethan’s fire spirit, his companion, is not with him, and there is the vaguest trace of worry in Cirdan’s question.

“He’s resting right now,” Ethan answers. “No worries. We were both unhurt. We’re the best, after all.”

From his desk, Xuan snorts softly. “Don’t be so cocky. Next time, you might not be so lucky.”

“Aw, are you worried about me, Doctor?” Ethan grins.

Xuan does worry. Ethan’s job as a fire speaker is to guide travelers through the Waste, the vast expanse of darkness between cities where the Mara live. It is a risky business, and only the best fire speakers with the most powerful spirits dare to do it. Every time Ethan leaves to venture into the darkness, Xuan wonders if he will ever see that smile again; and every time Ethan comes back, Xuan greedily hoards all their moments together. But out loud, he only says, “Hardly. All I worry about is whether or not you will pay the rent.”

“Oh come on, Doctor. You must care about more than the money.”

“I do. I care about that couch, which you’re smearing dirt all over.”

Ethan rolls his eyes and gets up, stretching. “You’re such a bastard. I wonder how Cirdan puts up with you.”

“I wonder how the good doctor puts up with you,” is Cirdan’s tart reply.

“It’s been three months since I’ve moved in. He’s had plenty of time to adjust to my glowing presence.”

“Not likely,” Xuan mutters.

Xuan expects Ethan to reply with something sarcastic, but instead Ethan just walks over to Xuan and hugs him. His voice is suddenly soft. “Xuan… Are you being serious? Would you really not care if I was gone?”

“Gone? Gone how?”

“If I never returned from my trips. If the Mara got me.”

Xuan’s heart tightens painfully. “Don’t say things like that, idiot.”

“I mean it. It’s what I was thinking about while fighting the Mara, if you would miss me at all...”

“Of course I would miss you,” Xuan says. “I lo—I like you. Even if you’re an annoying idiot.”

Despite the insult, Ethan grins and his mood swings from pensive to mischievous again. “I knew you loved me, Doctor!”

“Love? Who said anything about love? Hey, don’t kiss me, you moron—”

Ethan pulls away before Xuan can hit him. His smile is bright, stretching from ear to ear. “It’s okay, Doctor. I love you, too! Even if you’re an uptight bastard.”

Xuan scowls, but he is blushing. “Go shower, idiot. You’re filthy. Look, you’ve even got me dirty.”

“I’d like to get dirty with you,” Ethan says, waggling his eyebrows at Xuan.

Xuan only glares at Ethan until he leaves the room, and Ethan’s laughter mixes with Cirdan’s as he walks into the bathroom.

“Shut up, Cirdan,” Xuan says to the fire spirit once the door has slammed shut.

The room only fills with a low, crackling laughter in response.

AU Hitsuzen - SungTa

2008-04-16T00:09:01Z

Thankfully, this was not so hellish to write.

*

"It's spring," ChilHyun says. "Cherry blossom viewing time. Let's go to Japan!"

"Wh-What?" HyeSung stares at ChilHyun over his bowl of rice. "Are you being serious, ChilHyun-sshi?"

"Very serious. I can book us a flight to Japan easily. First class."

"But—"

"And get us a room in the best hotel. Have you ever stayed in a hotel before, HyeSung?"

"Yes, of course! I mean, when I was in America—"

"Well, it's very different with me." ChilHyun grins. "I'll treat you to whatever you want, Sungie. I'll take you to restaurants, hot springs, theaters… Wherever."

"But—"

"Chris is vacationing with SeungJae. And you don't even have school this week. It's perfect!"

HyeSung is wide-eyed, and his rice bowl is entirely forgotten. "Are you…are you serious? You're not joking, ChilHyun-sshi?"

"Not at all."

The rice bowl clatters to the floor as HyeSung tackles ChilHyun in a hug. "Oh my god—oh my—I love you, ChilHyun-sshi! I would love to go to Japan with you, yes, yes, yes! Thank you, thank you so much—"

ChilHyun laughs and hugs HyeSung back tightly. "You're very welcome, HyeSungie."

*

The plane ride is uncomfortable for HyeSung, who is unused to being crowded into a small space with so many people. The ups and downs of the plane make him dizzy, too, and he spends the entire ride curled up in his seat, sleeping. ChilHyun strokes his hair and holds his hand, and HyeSung wakes up in Japan with bright eyes and a happy smile.

They arrive at the inn later than ChilHyun expected, because HyeSung is fascinated by everything he sees. ChilHyun has been to Japan several times already, for business trips, and he doesn't think there's that much to be impressed by. But he is amused by HyeSung's childlike euphoria, and explains everything to him.

When they arrive at the inn, after many stops and lunch at a ramen restaurant, HyeSung insists on going to the hot springs. ChilHyun follows him, and tries very hard not to touch HyeSung, no matter how tempting it is to run his hand over HyeSung's bare skin, brushing the droplets of water off his smooth, perfect skin. HyeSung is still so very shy, even if he does enjoy the lovemaking, and ChilHyun doesn't want to make him feel self-conscious when he's having such a good time. So he keeps his hands to himself and only kisses HyeSung chastely on the cheek from time to time, whenever HyeSung smiles at him.

After dinner, the inn is quiet and still. HyeSung curls up next to ChilHyun on the futon in their room. "I've always wanted to go to Japan, to see the cherry blossoms," he murmurs.

"You'll get to see them tomorrow."

"I know, but…" HyeSung sighs. "Everything already seems so perfect. Even the plane ride wasn't that bad."

ChilHyun chuckles and rubs HyeSung's back. "And what about the inn?"

"It's wonderful. I love the food and the hot springs were as good as I imagined." HyeSung runs his hand through ChilHyun's hair and kisses his cheek. "Thank you for bringing me here.

"Stop thanking me," ChilHyun says, "and just enjoy yourself."

"Okay…but really, ChilHyun-sshi, I—"

ChilHyun says, "Shut up, HyeSung," and kisses him.

*

The morning dawns bright and clear. ChilHyun kisses HyeSung awake and holds his hand all the way to the park. Several people glance at them; HyeSung is flushed pink, but he doesn't let go of ChilHyun's hand.

At the park, they drink sake and eat from bento boxes. HyeSung is enchanted by the pale pink petals that flutter through the air. ChilHyun is enchanted by the glow in HyeSung's eyes and the curve of his lips as he laughs. He smiles indulgently at him and asks, "Is it pretty?"

"Very pretty," HyeSung says.

Some of the petals catch in HyeSung's hair, pale and almost luminescent in his dark curls. ChilHyun brushes them off and smiles, saying, "I don't think they're as pretty as you, though."

HyeSung blushes, but when ChilHyun links their fingers together, he smiles, shy and happy.

AU Hitsuzen - KiChan

2008-04-13T06:34:09Z

Notes: WHY IS SPRING BREAK ENDING.

*

Ki-hyun loves Tae-kwan. Loves. Not loved. Present. Not past. Ki-hyun loves Tae-kwan.

But the scars on his back are a chain. They are thin, faint, and white; they are strong, though, and bind him in silence. Ki-hyun’s scars are a reminder that his love for Tae-kwan cannot be whole and perfect. The world smudged and cracked it, and Ki-hyun let it fall apart.

The world tells him that his love is wrong. His father’s belt across his back told him that he is disgusting and dirty. His religion tells him every day that this can’t be pure, this love he’s cherished since he was a child. Ki-hyun kneels in silence against this; he doesn’t apologize, but he doesn’t speak, either.

Ki-hyun is ashamed. He knows that Tae-kwan waited for him outside his apartment that night. He knows the pain in Tae-kwan’s eyes when he turned him away. He knows all that, but he hasn’t done anything; and for that, he is ashamed. He thinks that he’s let it go too far in silence, too far to bring it back.

But Ki-hyun loves Tae-kwan. He still sees his smile at night; his heart still jolts when he hears Tae-kwan’s voice. He’s been quiet for too long, and he wants to try and call out now, call out to Tae-kwan. And even if it fails, even if he can’t catch up to Tae-kwan, at least nobody will have heard the loneliness and love in his voice—it can stay whole and untouched in his heart.

Ethan/Xuan - #7: Think pink; Blow

2008-04-12T06:27:47Z

“Real men,” Lynn said, “wear pink.”

“Real men aren’t gay,” Ethan said sarcastically. “So no, I’m not going to wear that…thing.” He eyed the hot pink, skin tight shirt Lynn was holding with distaste.

Lynn rolled her eyes. “Come on, Ethan. You should find something nice to wear to your birthday party.”

“Can’t I just go naked?”

“It’s not just a party for you and Xuan!”

“Okay, okay. Sorry. I was just wondering.” Ethan thumbed through some shirts, coming up with nothing to his liking. “I don’t see why I need new clothes for my birthday. It’s never mattered before.”

“It matters now because we’re going to Lucky Star!”

“Lucky Star is a beachside restaurant. I’ve seen shirtless surfers there before.”

“You have not!” Lynn looked interested in the words “shirtless surfers.”

“I have, so I don’t see why I have to get all fancied up for it.”

“Nobody says you have to wear a tuxedo, Ethan. But you should find something better than the jeans and T-shirts you’ve got stashed in your closet.”

“Fine,” Ethan said. “But I draw the line at a dress shirt and clean jeans , okay? And—” He picked up a rose-colored tie and grinned at Lynn. “I guess this could work, too.”

*

“You are not wearing a pink tie,” Xuan said in a flat voice when he saw Ethan outside Lucky Star with his new pink tie knotted at his throat.

“Actually, I am,” said Ethan, grinning. “I think it goes very nicely with the rest of my clothes. And, everybody knows that real men wear pink.”

“Everybody knows that real men don’t date other men,” Xuan muttered, which earned him another grin from Ethan.

Ethan hugged Xuan and murmured, “Real men take their boyfriends out to nice restaurants for their birthdays.”

“Yes, they would if they waiting time wasn’t so long.” Xuan rolled his eyes. “I should have just cooked you dinner at my house. This is taking forever.”

“Don’t be grumpy. That’s my job.” Ethan tugged at Xuan’s shirt a little, and said, “Come on. Let’s ditch Lynn and our parents and go walk on the beach.”

“I thought you didn’t like mushy, romantic things.”

“I don’t. But I do like skinny dipping.”

Ethan dragged a sputtering Xuan over to where Lynn and their parents were talking and said, “Xuan and I are going to go skinny dipping now. Call us when it’s time to go in.”

When they were down at the beach, Xuan said, “I can’t believe you said that! Your mom looked like she was going to have a heart attack.”

Ethan laughed, kicking off his shoes. The sand was cool on his bare feet. “It’s okay. She’s used to me saying things like that.”

“I pity your mom, having a son like you.”

“Yeah, right. And what about you? Do you pity yourself, having a boyfriend like me?”

“Every single day,” Xuan said, and shouted with surprise when Ethan kicked his ankle. “Hey!”

“I’m going to break up with you now,” said Ethan solemnly, “for being such a jerk, and—”

Xuan punched Ethan’s shoulder, and then kissed him quickly on the lips. “I don’t pity myself so much when I’m kissing you,” he muttered, and blushed when Ethan kissed him back.

*

After dinner, Ethan kicked Xuan’s leg under the table. “Why is that singer waving to us? If he’s coming over to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to me, I’ll shoot you.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Lynn hissed as the man in question stepped off the stage and approached their table. “I already asked him to, and anyway, it’s Tony Le!”

“Who cares! And I’m going to shoot you--”

Xuan stomped down on Ethan’s foot and grabbed his hand to silence him as Tony Le reached their table and said, “I heard it’s someone’s birthday today.” He smiled.

Ethan scowled. “It’s not mine, that’s for sure.”

“It is. He’s just embarrassed,” Lynn said.

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” said Tony cheerfully, and he began singing “Happy Birthday” to Ethan. Soon everyone joined in.

If Tony hadn’t been good at singing, Ethan would have kicked Xuan again, and Lynn as well. As it was, he just muttered a grumpy “thanks,” at the end and blew out his candles.

“You should be thankful,” Lynn scolded Ethan outside the restaurant. “Tony Le is a great singer!”

“Yeah, sure.” Ethan rolled his eyes. But he was smiling as he said, “I hated every moment of it.”

“Liar.”

“It was better, though, when I got to kiss Xuan at the end,” Ethan added.

Xuan grumbled, but didn’t move away when Ethan stole another kiss. “Happy birthday, Ethan,” he said, and kissed him back.

*

Notes: It's Ethan's birthday April19, guyz. :333

Ethan/Xuan - #22: Shadow; Flame; Footfall; Ouch!

2008-04-09T00:48:20Z

This is what the Mara is capable of. Xuan remembered Alan’s words as he walked carefully through the flames, trying to avoid the splintered wood chunks that had fallen to the floor. The children who live in that house are foundlings—worse than foundlings. They don’t exist in any plane, only between them. There is nobody who cares about them, or who can protect him, and that is why the Mara attacked them—so that they can destroy them and feed on their pain and despair.

Xuan had insisted on going to save those children. Even though they were between planes, even though it was dangerous to venture into the limbo they lived in: he had insisted, and now he was here. Smoke was blinding his eyes, so that he could barely see, and the fire leaped out at him before he realized what was happening. Xuan threw up his arms instinctively. He expected to be burned, for his skin to sear with sudden pain, but instead the heat subsided, and he opened his eyes to see Ethan standing next to him. Ethan was murmuring to the flames directly in front of them, his voice unfamiliar in a language of crackles and hisses.

“You should be more careful,” Ethan said when he had cleared a path through the fire. “You could have been seriously hurt.”

Xuan sighed. “I know. I’ll be more careful, I promise.”

“Maybe you’re too tired for this.” Ethan brushed some hair out of Xuan’s eyes, and Xuan chuckled: the tender gesture was so out of place when they were standing in the middle of a burning house, surrounded by fire and smoke.

“I’ll be fine. Anyway, I told Alan I would save those kids. I can’t leave and abandon them.”

“All right... But be careful, okay? I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

Xuan smiled and clasped Ethan’s hand briefly. “I promise that nothing will."

*

“How did you do that?” Xuan asked.

“Do what?”

“The fire…it seemed to go away after you talked to it. And the kids were barely injured—they weren’t burned at all, they’d just inhaled a bit of smoke.”

“I just asked the fire not to harm them,” Ethan said simply. “And for it to leave. That’s all.”

Xuan shook his head. “I’ll never understand your Gift,” he said, just as they walked past the barrier and back into their own plane. Each of them held a child by the hand, and Ethan was cradling a third one, a little girl who clung to his shoulder.

“I’ll never understand why you want to do stupid and potentially dangerous things,” Ethan said.

“Because it helps other people, and that’s what the Asclepieion is supposed to do!”

“Maybe you should be head of the Asclepieion.”

“Maybe you should take your job more seriously.”

“I do,” Ethan said. “The job of the Asclepieion is to take care of people, and I’m taking care of you.”

“You’re supposed to take care of more people than just me,” Xuan said softly.

“I know,” Ethan said, “and I will…it’s just that you’re too important for me to lose.” He kissed Xuan on the lips gently, and walked into the Asclepieion’s temple before Xuan had a chance to say anything else.

Xuan stood frozen for a few moments, then hurried after Ethan. He only hesitated for a moment, standing behind him, before he whispered, “You’re very important to me, too,” and kissed Ethan on the back of the neck.

Ethan/Xuan - #19: Home body; Bubbles; Stay

2008-04-06T23:28:17Z

Notes: I don't really like this. :< *goes to emo now*

*

The bubbles tickled Xuan's skin. He shifted in the tub a little, and some water sloshed out.

"Hey," Ethan said, sliding his hands up Xuan's arms. "Don't squirm."

"It's ticklish."

"You'll get used to it." Ethan kissed Xuan's neck. "This is supposed to help you relax, you know."

Xuan rolled his shoulders back and sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm trying, but it's hard..."

"Let me help." Ethan kissed Xuan's neck again, then trailed his lips over Xuan's shoulders and back. He pressed his mouth against the taut muscles, kissing and licking until they started to relax.

"Mmm..."

"Better?"

"Yes..." Xuan sank lower into the water, slumping against Ethan.

"Did you have a rough day?"

"Just...worried. That's all..."

"About?"

"Everything..."

Ethan sighed and rested his head on Xuan's shoulder. "It's okay. Everything's going to be okay."

Xuan just found Ethan's hand and held it, watching the bubbles pop in iridescent bursts. "Yeah, because bubble baths can fix all your problems." He chuckled.

"No, but relaxing does. And bubble baths help you relax."

"Ethan?"

"Hmmm?"

"Can you sing something for me?"

"Sure..." Ethan pressed his mouth to Xuan's ear and began singing softly, a low crooning that dissolved the last of Xuan's tenseness.

It was a long, rambling song, and when Ethan was done he realized that Xuan had fallen sleep. Smiling, he shook Xuan's shoulder and whispered, "Xuan. Xuan, wake up."

Xuan opened his eyes wearily. "Don't...five more minutes..."

"Come on, just a little bit. Dry yourself off, and then I'll carry you to bed, if you want."

Xuan grumbled but got out of the bath. He let Ethan towel him dry ("I'm not a child."), his arms wrapped around Ethan's waist and his head leaning on Ethan's shoulder.

"Hey," Ethan said softly. "Don't fall asleep on me, okay?"

But Xuan was already breathing evenly, eyes closed, and Ethan smiled in fond exasperation.

"Idiot... Now I really do have to carry him to bed."

Shinhwa - RicJin

2008-04-04T01:53:47Z

Notes: I am so tired right now. >___>

*

The first time they had sex was years ago, when they were both young and horny. Eric was taking a shower when JunJin walked inside, yawning and rubbing his eyes.

"Hi, hyung," he said, dragging his feet over to the sink and picking up his toothbrush. He stuck it in his mouth and looked over at where Eric was standing frozen in the shower. "...Oh. Uh."

Eric slowly loosened the grip he had on his erection, trying not to think about how his (very much male) bandmate had just walked in on him jacking off. He pulled the shower curtains shut, and there was a long moment where neither he nor JunJin spoke. Then Eric mumbled, "Jin, can you just brush your teeth and get out of here?"

"Okay. Um." JunJin brushed his teeth hurriedly. On his way out of the bathroom, he stopped by the shower, and asked, "Hyung, do you, um--do you need any help with...that?"

"I know how to masturbate, thank you, Jin."

"Well, it's just that I thought, you know, it would feel...better, if someone took care of it for you."

"..."

"..."

Eric pulled back the shower curtains slightly. "I didn't know you were gay, JunJin."

"H-Hey!" JunJin said. He blushed and punched Eric's shoulder. "Who said I was gay?"

"You just offered to give me a handjob, or something!"

"I was trying to be a helpful dongsaeng! But if you don't want to get any, then fine, I'll leave, and you can be a sad loner masturbating by himself all the goddamn time in the shower--"

"JunJin--"

"--and I was too nice to tell you this before, but HyeSung and I can hear you all the time at night, and it's so weird, and not in a hot way--"

"JunJin--"

"--what are you thinking, anyway, jerking off in the shower? What if Andy had walked in, huh?! You could have scarred him for life, and--"

"JUNJIN."

"What?!"

"Are you going to come in here and help me or not?"

JunJin blinked. "Um."

Eric shifted from foot to foot, looking down at the slick bottom of the shower. "If you're going to, then hurry up, because I've been hard for forever and I really need to, um, you know--"

JunJin didn't want for Eric to say anything more before he stripped and stepped into the shower. And it wasn't like Eric was gay or anything, but he had to admit that JunJin naked, with water from the shower head dripping off him, looked hot.

*

They had sex on and off over the years, and usually it was JunJin who offered. "Hyung," he would say, tugging at the hem of his shirt, and Eric would make excuses to the rest of the band about needing to go to the bathroom. JunJin followed him, and when they both emerged later with messy clothes and tangled hair, nobody said anything, not even HyeSung.

Eric began developing a complex about HyeSung. He was paranoid about the other man, especially when he hugged JunJin and called him his baby bird. Eric didn't like it when JunJin reciprocated these hugs, and especially when he was the one to intitiate them. It made him wonder if JunJin was offering to take care of HyeSung's problems for him, too (not that HyeSung ever seemed to have any of those kinds of issues). In fact, it made Eric wonder if JunJin was being a Good Samaritan and offering to take care of everyone's problems (not that the Good Samaritan had offered sex or blowjobs, but it was just a figure of speech).

He never asked JunJin, though, and if JunJin was sleeping around, he never mentioned it to Eric.

*

It was harder and harder to see each other as the years went on. Solo activities separated them, and Eric was more miffed than he admitted that whenever JunJin decided to work with anyone, it wasn't him. There was the whole deal with that Chinese girl, and then there was HyeSung. After Eric watched the video of their Codes Combine shooting, he called JunJin.

"What are you so upset about, hyung?"

"You tried to kiss him!" JunJin couldn't see him, which was good, because he would have laughed at Eric's pout. As it was, he was already laughing at the whining tone in Eric's voice.

"It was just a joke!"

"You seemed pretty happy about it, and you even kissed him on the neck."

"Why are you whining, Eric hyung? It's not like I haven't kissed you, and in much more sensitive places--"

"That's not the point. The point is, you're always doing things with other people, and we only get to see each other once in a while, so I worry--"

"...Are you jealous that I'm sleeping with other people?"

"Are you?!"

"Well, I'm not sleeping with HyeSung, if that helps you."

"No, it doesn't! So you're not sleeping with HyeSung. Big deal, it's not like he would be a good lay anyway, he's so uptight--"

JunJin burst out laughing. "Oh my god. Did you just--wait, hang on. HyeSung! HyeSung, get over here, you will not believe what Eric just said about you--"

Eric slammed the phone down and sulked around in his apartment for the rest of the day.

*

HyeSung called him in the morning. "I heard that you think I'm no good at sex."

"What?! No way. I never said anything like that, Sungie, I swear."

"That's not what Jinnie said."

"Well, JunJin is a liar!"

"Fine. Whatever. If you really wanted to know, though, you could just ask KangTa."

"Like I would want to--wait, what the hell? You're doing it with KangTa?!"

"Hmmmm. Yes."

"GROSS."

"Shut up, Eric."

"That's like two girls doing it, you know. ...Hey, that's kind of hot. Can I watch sometime?"

"I said shut up, Eric."

"What?! Why are you calling, anyway?"

"Because I wanted to ask if you and JunJin are going out."

"Huh? What? Why would you ask that?"

"Oh, I don't know," HyeSung said sarcastically, "because you're having sex together?"

Eric said, "JunJin has sex with everyone--uh, except for you, I guess--so it's not like it means anything!"

"...Who said JunJin has sex with everyone?"

"Well, it's kinda obvious!"

"Maybe just to you, you idiot. JunJin isn't sleeping with anybody except you."

"...Are you lying to me."

"Why would I lie about that?"

"...I don't know, maybe you just would!"

HyeSung sighed. "God obviously skipped you when he was giving out brains, Eric. So are you going out with JunJin or not?"

"At least God made me look like a man, unlike you! And, uh, no, I'm not."

HyeSung ignored the comment about his looks. "Why the hell aren't you?"

"I DON'T REALLY KNOW," Eric yelled, almost throwing the phone to the floor in frustration. First, JunJin made him question his sexuality (boobs were hot, damn it. Just not as hot as JunJin's cock). Then, he made Eric all worried and paranoid because he felt like a loser for only sleeping with JunJin when JunJin was sleeping with everyone else. And then, and then, he made Eric feel like an idiot because it turned out that JunJin was not, in fact, a whore, and that he had seen as much action as Eric had in all these years (which was a lot, considering how often they did it. But still.)

"Eric? Are you still there?" HyeSung sounded annoyed, which he had a right to be, considering the fact that Eric hadn't answered his question yet.

"What? Did you say anything?"

"Yes. I asked if you were going to ask JunJin out."

"...Um. I don't know?"

"If you don't, I'm going to ask him for you."

"What?! No, wait. Don't say anything. I don't want you telling him some weird shit about me or anything."

"Okay. Then are you going to ask him?"

"Y-Yeah. I guess."

"Fine. I'm going to hang up now."

"What--"

The line went dead and Eric stared at his phone for several minutes before it rang again. He picked it up. "...Hello?"

It was JunJin this time. "I heard you wanted to ask me out."

"...Did HyeSung tell you?!"

"Kind of?"

"That bastard--"

"I would say yes, you know."

"...Huh?"

"If you asked me out, hyung. I would say yes."

"Oh. Um." Eric thought about this for several moments. Then he said, "Okay. Yeah. Will you be my boyfriend, Jin?"

"Hm. No."

"WHAT?!"

"Just kidding! Yes, of course I'll be your boyfriend. Now go open your door."

"...Why?"

"Just do it, hyung."

Eric grumbled and walked over to his door. He swung it open. From the other side, JunJin grinned at him. "I hope you know," he said, stepping inside, "that I've been waiting for ten years for you to ask me that."

"...I'm sorry?"

JunJin smirked. "You should make it up to me."

"...Is having sex in the shower acceptable?"

"Maybe." JunJin started walking to the shower, and called over his shoulder, "This time, though, you're going to give me a handjob."

Kokuyo/Hisui

2008-04-02T22:34:02Z

Notes: I deleted this entry because I was using rich text when I first posted it, and the uneven spacing was pissing me off. *is anal*

*

Title: When in Doubt
Fandom:WISH
Pairing:Kokuyo/Hisui
Summary: AU. Kokuyo goes birthday gift shopping.
Rating:G
Theme: 30_ways #21—Silly hats

“When in doubt,” Koryu declared, “buy a hat.”

Kokuyo snorted. “A hat? You think I should buy my boyfriend a hat for his birthday?”

“What? Do you have any better ideas?”

“I don’t know… It just seems so simple. Too simple.”

"It’s not like Hisui expects anything extravagant.”

“Hmm…” The taller man browsed through the hats piled on the table before him: white, black, striped, plain. “How about a matching hat and scarf?” he suggested.

“Pick a good color and it’ll be a good present.”

“…Black.” He held up two items, hat and scarf, both the black of a starless night.

Koryu raised an eyebrow.

“It would bring out the green in his eyes…”

“…Uh. Okay.”

Kokuyo grinned. “Fantastic. Black it is then.”

*

He stroked blond hair away. “You like it?” he asked.

“It’s beautiful.” Hisui smiled. “And warm.”

Kokuyo stepped back to admire the sight. Snow falling down, white flakes on black and blond, green eyes bright and sparkling. Pieces, snapshots, a beautiful picture. He smiled. “Happy birthday, Hisui."

*

Title: First Person
Fandom:WISH
Pairing:Kokuyo/Hisui
Summary: And even if you leave me, and even if you love somebody else--you will forever be my first person.
Rating: PG
Theme: 30_ways #28--Replies

When you first see him, you think, “Danger.” He is darkness and smoothness and charisma, and you are drawn to him. Curiosity prods you to accept his invitation, so you can see what Satan’s son is really like.

You arrive a little late; either that or he has been waiting. His hands are clasped behind his head, his eyes are closed. But you know he is awake, has been so since you fluttered to the ground behind him.

“My mysterious angel,” he calls you, grinning. “You came.”

“It would be rude not to after saying yes.”

“And are you ever rude?”

“Are you?”

“Always,” he declares. Somehow, this makes you laugh. He is frank, open, honest. He might be rude, but he doesn’t lie, either. It is a surprise to find this refreshing. It is even more of a surprise to find that he is the first person to make you laugh so genuinely.

“But why…why him?”

“Because…he makes me happy. Happier than anything.”

*

You see him first as an object. A conquest. Maybe your best one, because he is more beautiful than anybody--angel or devil or human--that you have ever seen.

His voice captures you next, melodic and strangely, soothingly deep. You like to close your eyes and listen to it. And when you close your eyes, the world is a blank. You don’t see that he is slender and graceful; you don’t see the luster of his hair, or the clearness of his skin. You only know his voice, its lilt as it curves around vowels and smooths the curtness of consonants. His voice makes you see, for once, beyond what your eyes can.

You realize one day that you love him. You don’t know his name, you don’t know if he loves you back or not. But you want him to, with an intensity that leaves you feeling dizzy. You want that beautiful voice to call your name lovingly, to laugh at and tease you--always.It is the first time that you have ever really, truly wanted anything.

“I mean, I know he’s a babe and all, but why risk everything?”

“Because--there is something about him that transcends simple beauty.”

Ethan/Xuan - #23: roses; daisies; carnations; water lilies; [or any other flower]

2008-04-01T23:33:08Z

Notes: ...Uh. I miss KangTa? I'm going to write SungTa soon? Yay? ...Oh right, this is Ethan/Xuan. :|

*

On Easter Sunday, Minh and Wes took Kim to Tranquilo Gardens to play with the spring animals and to take pictures of the flowers. Somehow, Ethan and Xuan got dragged into it.

"I think it's politically incorrect to call this 'Easter Brunch,'" Wes said as they sat around a wooden picnic table in the garden's rest area.

"Who cares about political correctness?" said Ethan.

"I don't, really, but it bothers me to be sitting down to 'Easter Brunch' when I'm atheist."

"Oh, suck it up, you pansy."

Kim asked, "What's a pansy?"

"A flower," Xuan answered before Ethan could, and tried not to wince when Kim stood up in his lap, looking around.

"Which flower, Cau Xuan? That one? Or that one? Or--"

Minh pulled Kim down gently. "I'll show you later, Kimmy. Now sit down. I think you're hurting Xuan."

Xuan sighed in relief when Kim sat down again. "Thank you, Minh."

Ethan leaned over and whispered, "If your crotch hurts, I can kiss it better."

Xuan turned an interesting shade of red. "Kim," he said, "tell your uncle to please shut up."

"Please shut up, Cau Ethan."

Minh frowned. Wes said, "Don't say 'shut up,' Kim. It's rude."

"But I said please!"

A smile tugged at Wes's lips. "Well, since it is Ethan..."

Ethan rolled his eyes. "Kimmy, your dad is mean."

"You're juvenile."

"Juvenile is such an obnoxious word."

"Only because it describes you."

"Guys," Xuan said, "quit it."

"Please," Minh added.

Ethan and Wes both rolled their eyes, and Kim giggled into her menu.

*

Later, when Wes and Minh had taken Kim for a ride on the toy train, Ethan said, "Xuan. Your name means 'spring.'"

"Yes. I know."

"Spring is the mating season." Ethan waggled his eyebrows, and Xuan laughed.

"No, you idiot. Not now. Later."

"Promise?"

"If you behave."

"I always do."

"Liar."

Ethan sighed. "You have so little faith in me."

"You're very unreliable when it comes to things like behaving, and being good."

"Oh? And what about other things?"

"For other things," Xuan said, "like being there for me, and taking care of the people you love...I'd say you're very, very trustworthy."

"I'm flattered."

"As you should be." Xuan smiled at him.

Ethan stared for a moment at Xuan's smile; at the sunlight filtering through the branches of the tree they sat under; at the background of red, and yellow, and orange tulips that stretched out behind him. And he said, "I really want to kiss you right now."

Xuan thought about this for a moment. "There are people around, but...if you say please..."

"Please, Xuan? Let me kiss you."

"Okay."

Ethan leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Xuan's lips. He stayed there for a few moments, then pulled away. "I didn't want to draw attention to us or anything, so, uh--"

"It's okay. Really." Xuan kissed him again, lingering for a while longer. Then he, too, pulled away, and threaded his fingers through Ethan's.